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The Rules of Silence
“Shame loves secrecy. Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. When something shameful happens to us and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It eats us alive from the inside.” Brené Brown For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried a heavy, exhausting feeling: I am in trouble. It didn’t matter… Continue reading
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The Physics of Compliance
I had a tough weekend and it simply continues. I thought I was ready for some LGBTQ community socializing in a no-pressure environment and as it turns out, I was absolutely not. …and that threw me into the deep end. Instead of taking advantage of some organic opportunities to make new friends, I did not… Continue reading
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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I discovered a movie today I found jolting. It was made in 2004, the year I was first introduced to Imago Relationship Therapy. This movie may just be the best illustration of the Imago concepts, but with an added criticality. Most stories or movies, sitcoms, and even songs have characters that are easily identifiable as… Continue reading
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The Defector’s Revolution: From Compliance to Sovereignty
I have finally written enough to get to sit in one spot and stare at it all, uninterrupted. I am doing a lot of that these days, the quiet whateverIwant, I haven’t done since 1993. Yes, yes, it’s my fault I was married at age 19. All of it is, and very little of it is, all at… Continue reading
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The Octopus and the Turtle in Hollywood
The Dressmaker Moonstruck The Notebook The Holiday Thor Titanic Cha Cha Real Smooth Her The Dressmaker Looking at Jocelyn Moorhouse’s The Dressmaker through an Imago Relationship Therapy framework yields a fascinating analysis. The film is essentially a case study in generational trauma, defensive adaptations, and the polarizing dynamics of childhood wounding playing out in adult… Continue reading
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Reset vs Repair
My office chair at work is the RESPAWN brand. I thought it was an odd name, until I learned it was a video-gaming chair, actually. Then I had to look up if the word meant what I think it meant, because I have not played video games, even when I could have. So it turns… Continue reading
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The Transformer
In the LGBTQ community, the out women tend to fashion their exterior to match their desired interior. It’s a way to communicate with the world about themselves. Begin by thinking a bit in terms of traditional gendered presentation and societal roles, like in the uncomfortable image below. In the lesbian community, those stereotypically feminine and… Continue reading
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I Never Want to Put This Behind Us
I was on my way to a conference in a location about which I was completely unexcited, except for a handful of people I would get to see. I was deep into my thoughts about my latest mistakes and sleep-deprived, as usual. I half-heartedly scrolled through the airline entertainment carousel when the 2025 film Bugonia… Continue reading
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Life after Life
What is the definition of end of life? Last breath? Last heartbeat? Sure, between medical science and legal frameworks there is a perfectly repeatable approach to determining one’s death. What if your heart and lungs and those other vital organs are autonomically doing their thing but your spiritual heart and soul are not interested in… Continue reading
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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.
