One More Perspective

There are as many realities as the number of people involved. – Hubay Vica

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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.

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Love Always

  • Moral Chokehold

    As soon as I wrote Four Generations and No Shortcuts, I knew something was off.  It felt too neatly tied in a bow.  It haunted me.  That’s the gift of writing; it brings perspective to any subject, once no longer in one’s head.  I have convinced myself that feeling clean, furious grief for what was… Continue reading

  • Four Generations and No Shortcuts

    OK, I’ll level with you.  Actually, with myself.  I am full-blown depressed.  Not suicidal, let’s get that out of the way.  …but I don’t feel like soldiering on, and pretending I am hanging in there.  I am not.  My Therapist said it for me, as he was onto the fact I was stuck in my… Continue reading

  • I’m Not Lonely

    Last fall I joined a major university research project on emotions.  It was administered via an app that was already on my phone from attending an executive course at that university earlier in the year, so it was easy.  For eight consecutive weeks that eventually extended to twelve, twice a day I rated the degree… Continue reading

  • Back on the Roof

    I’ve been in Therapy or reading related books for well over 20 years.  I can describe my relationship dynamics, where they originated, how other people perceive me, who is normally attracted to me, and why.  I understand the natural power-struggles between people (picture a rope in a tug of war), and how most marriages get… Continue reading

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  • So now What?

    I feel like I have been on that old carnival ride that spins its riders around so fast their backs stick to the circular wall and then the bottom is dropped from below their feet.  Centrifuge.  Yes.  That’s it.  I’m not talking about the modern see-through ones decorated with lights and outfitted with safety features… Continue reading

  • The Rules of Silence

    “Shame loves secrecy.  Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.  When something shameful happens to us and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It eats us alive from the inside.”  Brené Brown For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried a heavy, exhausting feeling:  I am in trouble.  It didn’t matter… Continue reading

  • The Defector’s Revolution:  From Compliance to Sovereignty

    I have finally written enough to get to sit in one spot and stare at it all, uninterrupted. I am doing a lot of that these days, the quiet whateverIwant, I haven’t done since 1993. Yes, yes, it’s my fault I was married at age 19. All of it is, and very little of it is, all at… Continue reading

  • I Never Want to Put This Behind Us

    I was on my way to a conference in a location about which I was completely unexcited, except for a handful of people I would get to see.  I was deep into my thoughts about my latest mistakes and sleep-deprived,  as usual.  I half-heartedly scrolled through the airline entertainment carousel when the 2025 film Bugonia… Continue reading

  • Octopus and Turtle Children

    In 2004, my Divorce Attorney gave me the name of a Therapist with whom she and her (by then former) Husband had done couples’ therapy.  Despite their marriage ending, my Attorney believed this Therapist was invaluable in her own journey.  I didn’t actually want a divorce, not any of them, I just didn’t know what… Continue reading

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  • Life after Life

    What is the definition of end of life?  Last breath?  Last heartbeat?  Sure, between medical science and legal frameworks there is a perfectly repeatable approach to determining one’s death.  What if your heart and lungs and those other vital organs are autonomically doing their thing but your spiritual heart and soul are not interested in… Continue reading