One More Perspective

There are as many realities as the number of people involved. – Hubay Vica

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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.

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  • The Physics of Compliance

    I had a tough weekend and it simply continues.  I thought I was ready for some LGBTQ community socializing in a no-pressure environment and as it turns out, I was absolutely not.  …and that threw me into the deep end.  Instead of taking advantage of some organic opportunities to make new friends, I did not… Continue reading

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  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

    I discovered a movie today I found jolting.  It was made in 2004, the year I was first introduced to Imago Relationship Therapy.  This movie may just be the best illustration of the Imago concepts, but with an added criticality.  Most stories or movies, sitcoms, and even songs have characters that are easily identifiable as… Continue reading

  • The Defector’s Revolution:  From Compliance to Sovereignty

    I have finally written enough to get to sit in one spot and stare at it all, uninterrupted. I am doing a lot of that these days, the quiet whateverIwant, I haven’t done since 1993. Yes, yes, it’s my fault I was married at age 19. All of it is, and very little of it is, all at… Continue reading

  • Reset vs Repair

    My office chair at work is the RESPAWN brand.  I thought it was an odd name, until I learned it was a video-gaming chair, actually.  Then I had to look up if the word meant what I think it meant, because I have not played video games, even when I could have.  So it turns… Continue reading

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  • The Transformer

    In the LGBTQ community, the out women tend to fashion their exterior to match their desired interior.  It’s a way to communicate with the world about themselves.  Begin by thinking a bit in terms of traditional gendered presentation and societal roles, like in the uncomfortable image below. In the lesbian community, those stereotypically feminine and… Continue reading

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  • I Never Want to Put This Behind Us

    I was on my way to a conference in a location about which I was completely unexcited, except for a handful of people I would get to see.  I was deep into my thoughts about my latest mistakes and sleep-deprived,  as usual.  I half-heartedly scrolled through the airline entertainment carousel when the 2025 film Bugonia… Continue reading

  • Octopus and Turtle Children

    In 2004, my Divorce Attorney gave me the name of a Therapist with whom she and her (by then former) Husband had done couples’ therapy.  Despite their marriage ending, my Attorney believed this Therapist was invaluable in her own journey.  I didn’t actually want a divorce, not any of them, I just didn’t know what… Continue reading

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  • Life after Life

    What is the definition of end of life?  Last breath?  Last heartbeat?  Sure, between medical science and legal frameworks there is a perfectly repeatable approach to determining one’s death.  What if your heart and lungs and those other vital organs are autonomically doing their thing but your spiritual heart and soul are not interested in… Continue reading

  • You are Correct

    I am writing this because I have finally reached a point where I no longer want to outrun the truth of my own patterns. For the better part of five decades, I lived under the impression that if I was competent enough and worked harder than everyone else, I could compensate for the fractures in… Continue reading

  • The Childhood Programming

    It’s taken 50 some years, four expired marriages and three wonderful Children who are now healthy enough to leave me behind, for me to figure out what’s been happening within my core.  It recalibrates everything I’ve ever known and professed.  I am recording it here because I don’t ever want to forget this. The Source… Continue reading