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I Went to Church Today
Before you think I’ve flipped my lid, understand that in the majority of the United States, one can only access the interior of most churches during their scheduled services. I love architecture in its many forms. Since moving to Connecticut, I have been fascinated by the colonial era structures that operate today. I love this… Continue reading
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Good Will Hunting
“…something occurred to me. I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and I haven’t thought about you since. You know what occurred to me?” “No.” “You’re just a kid. You don’t have the faintest idea of what you’re talking about.” “Why, thank you.” “It’s all right. You’ve never been out of Boston.” “Nope.” “So if… Continue reading
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Manipulated Only by What We Hide
Having written for hours and days about my most vulnerable experiences and feelings in these months of solitude, it is natural that the voice in my head would sound an alarm: “If you write all of this down, you can be easily manipulated.“ Thankfully, I have learned it is actually the opposite. Opening the cellar… Continue reading
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I Just Wanted to Be with Her
I have gotten a few days of merciful distractions with work out of town, but tonight, I finally had a chance to get away from the group and take a walk along this Midwestern city’s riverwalk. This isn’t one of those crowded commercial fabrications, but a serene, duck-inhabited, green one. I was still replaying the… Continue reading
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The Ledger of Nevers
2026 is the year of the Fire Horse, I am told. Well, this creature has certainly come to throw me onto its back. After last weekend, I am in full gallop. I have accessed what I believe to be my my most precious fears and hurt, vulnerability and grief. The portal is open and it… Continue reading
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Forty-seven Thousand
Solvitur ambulando (It is solved by walking) Saint Augustine Once I understood the interference my brain has been running while my cells were storing the cost, I couldn’t let that continue uninterrupted. For just a short time preceding this, I have been learning about somatic therapy, but I wasn’t yet at a place where I… Continue reading
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In the voice of Roy Kent: Fuuuucccckkkk
Thank You, AppleTV, for searing that sound into my brain, via Ted Lasso. Let me cut to the chase. My Therapist this week scrambled my entire being with a piece of psychological insight I will never forget. Our brain protects us from grieving by invoking our shame instead. If you are having to read that… Continue reading
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Curious
Today, I had what has long been an elusive emotion. It was fleeting, but definite. It felt nice, it felt energizing. It’s as if I stepped out of the heaviness of the last years and for a moment, just a moment, I was simply a person again, wondering about the possibilities of life ahead instead… Continue reading
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Moral Chokehold
As soon as I wrote Four Generations and No Shortcuts, I knew something was off. It felt too neatly tied in a bow. It haunted me. That’s the gift of writing; it brings perspective to any subject, once no longer in one’s head. I have convinced myself that feeling clean, furious grief for what was… Continue reading
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Four Generations and No Shortcuts
OK, I’ll level with you. Actually, with myself. I am full-blown depressed. Not suicidal, let’s get that out of the way. …but I don’t feel like soldiering on, and pretending I am hanging in there. I am not. My Therapist said it for me, as he was onto the fact I was stuck in my… Continue reading
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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.
