One More Perspective

There are as many realities as the number of people involved. – Hubay Vica

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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.

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  • Vegetarian off the Beaten Path

    In 2013, I began discovering the knowledgeable vegetarian and vegan communities scattered in hidden parts of cities; often in places one may think twice about going.  At that time, I had been a vegetarian for a decade and appreciated the creative ways people approached living without animal flesh.   It’s hard enough to run a restaurant;… Continue reading

  • Breaking the Habit

    Hi, I’m an over-functioning asshole.  I probably would seem less of a jerk if I didn’t step into spaces I didn’t need to, but I have a baseline programming that makes me feel very unsafe when I detect a gap in my connection with others.  Worse, I define that connection and my own worth based… Continue reading

  • Why I Love the DMV

    No, not the Department of Motor Vehicles, though they are hard-working individuals with a minute-by-minute test in patience.  I am referring to the National Capital Beltway area, also referred to as Washington DC Metro.  The District of Columbia and adjacent portions of Maryland and Virginia form the DMV the locals know and love.  It doesn’t… Continue reading

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  • So now What?

    I feel like I have been on that old carnival ride that spins its riders around so fast their backs stick to the circular wall and then the bottom is dropped from below their feet.  Centrifuge.  Yes.  That’s it.  I’m not talking about the modern see-through ones decorated with lights and outfitted with safety features… Continue reading

  • Nature, our Teacher

    Go on a walk today and share a photo of something that catches your eye. This morning, I got to witness a phenomenon I hadn’t seen before.  The overnight raindrops still held on individual tree leaves up high, were interrupted by the morning wind.  As if falling from the sky, the wind displaced the raindrops… Continue reading

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  • The Rules of Silence

    “Shame loves secrecy.  Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.  When something shameful happens to us and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It eats us alive from the inside.”  Brené Brown For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried a heavy, exhausting feeling:  I am in trouble.  It didn’t matter… Continue reading

  • The Physics of Compliance

    I had a tough weekend and it simply continues.  I thought I was ready for some LGBTQ community socializing in a no-pressure environment and as it turns out, I was absolutely not.  …and that threw me into the deep end.  Instead of taking advantage of some organic opportunities to make new friends, I did not… Continue reading

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  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

    I discovered a movie today I found jolting.  It was made in 2004, the year I was first introduced to Imago Relationship Therapy.  This movie may just be the best illustration of the Imago concepts, but with an added criticality.  Most stories or movies, sitcoms, and even songs have characters that are easily identifiable as… Continue reading

  • The Defector’s Revolution:  From Compliance to Sovereignty

    I have finally written enough to get to sit in one spot and stare at it all, uninterrupted. I am doing a lot of that these days, the quiet whateverIwant, I haven’t done since 1993. Yes, yes, it’s my fault I was married at age 19. All of it is, and very little of it is, all at… Continue reading

  • The Octopus and the Turtle in Hollywood

    The Dressmaker Looking at Jocelyn Moorhouse’s The Dressmaker through an Imago Relationship Therapy framework yields a fascinating analysis. The film is essentially a case study in generational trauma, defensive adaptations, and the polarizing dynamics of childhood wounding playing out in adult relationships.In Imago theory, individuals generally adapt to early relational pain by becoming either Maximizers… Continue reading