One More Perspective

There are as many realities as the number of people involved. – Hubay Vica

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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.

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  • Octopus and Turtle Children

    In 2004, my Divorce Attorney gave me the name of a Therapist with whom she and her (by then former) Husband had done couples’ therapy.  Despite their marriage ending, my Attorney believed this Therapist was invaluable in her own journey.  I didn’t actually want a divorce, not any of them, I just didn’t know what… Continue reading

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  • Life after Life

    What is the definition of end of life?  Last breath?  Last heartbeat?  Sure, between medical science and legal frameworks there is a perfectly repeatable approach to determining one’s death.  What if your heart and lungs and those other vital organs are autonomically doing their thing but your spiritual heart and soul are not interested in… Continue reading

  • You are Correct

    I am writing this because I have finally reached a point where I no longer want to outrun the truth of my own patterns. For the better part of five decades, I lived under the impression that if I was competent enough and worked harder than everyone else, I could compensate for the fractures in… Continue reading

  • The Childhood Programming

    It’s taken 50 some years, four expired marriages and three wonderful Children who are now healthy enough to leave me behind, for me to figure out what’s been happening within my core.  It recalibrates everything I’ve ever known and professed.  I am recording it here because I don’t ever want to forget this. The Source… Continue reading

  • Phenomenology

    Is it the human condition to accept that we cannot expect people to be able to relate to our perspective and decision-making because they simply cannot walk in our shoes and understand the environmental conditions/context of our experiences? That is a profound and heavy realization to land on, especially when you are navigating a significant… Continue reading

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  • Octopus and Turtle

    Picture two humans of any combination…gender, race.  They are married.  If you asked each one how the relationship is going, how it’s really going, they are likely to give two distinctively different answers.  This is because there are always parallel realities where people are involved.  Marriage is a Rorschach test. In Imago Relationship Therapy, founded… Continue reading

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  • The Narcissistic Mother

    Here is the translation of the text by Hungarian blogger Viki Bihari:  The truly terrifying thing about a narcissistic mother is that she is your biggest opponent.It is absolutely incomprehensible, but she is always cheering for the opposing team.If someone has hurt you, she takes a liking to them and conspires with them just so… Continue reading

  • Last Cleaning

    Thirteen years ago I moved into this house with so much love, hope, overwhelm, relief and pride.  In 2012 we had moved from Oklahoma to Washington DC Metro, and I felt like I was released from purgatory.  I breathed differently, I moved about differently.  I had left the incessant “You’re not from around here, are… Continue reading

  • Private School vs College Savings

    Despite overhearing my Mother in 2022 tell her Friends I made $500K per year, I have actually never said nor made anything close to that.  It happened at my Mother’s 70th Birthday Party weekend my Wife and I threw for my Mother and her Friends at a Ritz-Carlton hotel, for which we paid entirely with… Continue reading

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  • I don’t have to Love your Dog (or Cat)

    Before you, Dear Reader, mentally pulverize me, please know I adored our Family’s Great Dane with all my heart.  Her 168-pound presence was full of gentleness and grace.  She grew alongside my Children, with each one getting to cuddle ample of her as they all sat in a single cluster, watching television.  I still miss… Continue reading

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