One More Perspective

This week someone, listening to me describe a past situation, mentioned “it sounds like you didn’t have any protection.”  It was one of those moments where my brain came to a screeching halt, but my gut said I needed to pursue.  I spent a few moments unresponsive.  Seeing my stunned expression, the person said a few more words to describe their observation and connected the concept for me:  pychological protection.  With everything I learn about myself, my immediate fear kicks in…how did this impact my Children?  Of course, I went researching.  Gemini Pro is my go-to start these days. 

Psychological protection refers to the creation of an environment where individuals feel safe, secure, valued, and understood, allowing them to express themselves authentically and develop healthy emotional and psychological well-being. This protection is crucial during childhood for healthy development and continues to be vital in adult relationships, particularly between spouses.
Psychological Protection During Childhood
Psychological protection in childhood is primarily provided by caregivers and is foundational for a child’s mental health, emotional regulation, and secure attachment. It doesn’t mean shielding children from all adversity, but rather equipping them with the resilience and support to navigate challenges.
Key aspects of psychological protection in childhood include:

• Unconditional Love and Acceptance: Children need to know they are loved regardless of their accomplishments or mistakes. This fosters a sense of self-worth and confidence.
• Consistent and Responsive Caregiving: Predictable responses to their needs, emotional availability, and reliable support help children feel safe and reduce anxiety.
• Clear Boundaries and Expectations: Providing structure and guidance helps children understand what is expected of them and creates a sense of security.
• Validation of Feelings: Acknowledging and validating a child’s emotions, even uncomfortable ones, teaches them emotional literacy and regulation skills. Parents help children name their feelings, validate their experiences, and model healthy emotional expression.
• Safe and Secure Environment: This encompasses both physical safety and freedom from emotional harm, such as criticism, demeaning behavior, or exposure to overwhelming situations.
• Encouragement and Positive Reinforcement: Praising effort and accomplishments, and acknowledging good behavior, builds self-esteem and a desire to explore and learn.
• Open Communication: Creating an environment where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment.
• Modeling Healthy Coping Skills: Parents who demonstrate healthy ways to manage stress and emotions provide a crucial blueprint for their children.
  Consequences of Lacking Psychological Protection in Childhood:
  When psychological protection is absent or inconsistent, children can experience a range of negative outcomes that may extend into adulthood:
• Emotional Dysregulation: Difficulty identifying, processing, and managing emotions.
• Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Feeling unworthy, unimportant, or that their feelings don’t matter.
• Insecure Attachment Styles: Leading to difficulties with trust, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability in future relationships (e.g., anxious or avoidant attachment).
• Increased Risk of Mental Health Issues: Higher rates of anxiety disorders, depression, and other psychiatric disorders.
• Relationship Challenges: Problems forming and maintaining healthy relationships due to trust issues, fear of intimacy, or difficulty expressing emotions.
• Behavioral Problems: May exhibit extremes in behavior, aggression, impulsivity, or risky behaviors.
• Physiological Impacts: Chronic stress from a lack of emotional security can have long-term physical health consequences.
  Psychological Protection Between Spouses
  In a marital or committed partnership, psychological protection refers to the creation of an emotionally safe space where both partners feel secure, respected, and free to be vulnerable without fear of judgment, ridicule, or harm. This mutual protection is vital for relationship satisfaction and longevity.
  Key aspects of psychological protection between spouses include:
• Trust and Vulnerability: A foundational element where partners feel safe enough to share their deepest thoughts, fears, and feelings, knowing they will be met with understanding and acceptance.
• Respect for Boundaries: Clearly communicating and respecting personal limits (physical, emotional, intellectual, financial) helps establish safety and security.
• Active Listening: Genuinely hearing and understanding a partner’s perspective, without defensiveness or interruption, makes them feel heard and validated.
• Empathy and Understanding: Attempting to understand the other’s point of view with warmth and compassion, even when disagreeing.
• Emotional Support: Providing a “safe haven” during times of stress, offering comfort, encouragement, and practical help.
• Avoiding Contempt: Refraining from behaviors like name-calling, sarcasm, eye-rolling, or snickering, which erode trust and safety.
• Protecting Each Other’s Reputation: Not allowing others to speak negatively about one’s spouse, and speaking up for them.
• Nurturing Intimacy: Protecting and fostering emotional and physical closeness against external pressures and distractions.
• Constructive Conflict Resolution: Addressing disagreements in a way that allows for healthy expression of differences while maintaining respect and the capacity to reconnect emotionally afterward.
• Shared Identity and Autonomy: Establishing a new identity as a couple while still respecting and protecting each other’s individuality.
  Impact of Psychological Protection on Marital Satisfaction:
  Couples who prioritize psychological protection tend to experience:
• Higher Marital Satisfaction: Feeling safe and supported contributes significantly to overall happiness and contentment in the relationship.
• Stronger Connection and Intimacy: Vulnerability and trust deepen the emotional bond between partners.
• Improved Coping Skills: Partners can more effectively navigate life’s challenges and marital problems when they feel supported by each other.
• Enhanced Individual Well-being: The security and support within the marriage positively impact each spouse’s psychological health.
  In both childhood and marital relationships, psychological protection is not about avoiding difficulties, but about building the resilience and trust needed to face them together, fostering emotional well-being and secure, fulfilling connections.

I love that we talk about this now.  Better late than never.  My heart breaks though that we didn’t talk (didn’t commonly know) about such things twenty or fifty years ago.  I can, without a shadow of a doubt say, culturally as a whole, this is a steep learning-curve for many…and these days the emphasis is going away from celebrating differences and communicating about mental health. 

What I didn’t know then hurt my Children.  Hands-down.  …and I am still a sailboat without wind in my sails because of that.