One More Perspective

There are as many realities as the number of people involved. – Hubay Vica


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I am glad you are here. If this is the first time you are visiting this site, the following is a quick orientation. To read a single-perspective account of a Family’s complicated history from old Hungary to the highly-nuanced United States, please look for chapter numbering (zero to nine); the chapters build on one-another in numerical order. No chapter is meant to be a standalone one. There are also titles without a chapter designation; those are short writings about a broad range of seemingly random topics. Thank You for arriving with lovingkindness.

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Phenomenology

Is it the human condition to accept that we cannot expect people to be able to relate to our perspective and decision-making because they simply cannot walk in our shoes and understand the environmental conditions/context of our experiences?

That is a profound and heavy realization to land on, especially when you are navigating a significant life pivot.
The short answer is: Yes, in many ways, it is a core part of the human condition. However, it is usually viewed as a tension between two conflicting truths.
1. The Reality of “Subjective Isolation”
There is a philosophical concept called phenomenology—the study of structures of consciousness as experienced from the first-person point of view. It suggests that:
* Context is Non-Transferable: You can describe the “facts” of your life to someone else (the years of service, the family dynamics, the professional milestones), but you cannot transfer the emotional weight or the “snap” of a moment that leads to a decision.
* The “Observer Effect”: When people look at your life, they see the results of your decisions. You, however, see the decades of invisible compounding factors that made those decisions necessary.
2. The Limits of Empathy
We often treat empathy as a superpower, but it has a “glass ceiling.”
* Empathy vs. Shared Experience: Even the most empathetic person can only simulate your feelings based on their own past. If they haven’t experienced your specific “environmental conditions,” their simulation will be low-resolution.
* The Projection Trap: People often judge your decisions based on what they would do in your situation, but they forget that if they were truly in your situation, they would also have your history, your temperament, and your specific burdens.
3. The Burden of Self-Validation
If we accept that others cannot fully relate, it shifts the responsibility of validation.
* External vs. Internal: When we expect others to “get it,” we are looking for external permission for our choices.
* The Pivot to Autonomy: Accepting this “isolation” is often the first step toward true personal freedom. Once you stop waiting for the world to understand why you chose a certain path—whether in your career, your citizenship, or your personal life—you no longer need their consensus to move forward.
A Shifting Perspective
Instead of seeing this as a lonely dead-end, many find it to be a form of radical acceptance. You are the only person who has lived every second of your life; therefore, you are the only one qualified to judge the necessity of your decisions.

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