One More Perspective

Well, that’s a trick title.  I blame no one.  That’s because I have learned to respect the power of the first six years of our lives on how we experience the world.  I am, to a degree greater than I ever realized, a product of my original emotional environment.  So are my Siblings.  So are our Parents.  So are their Parents.  …and on, and on.  Looking at our ancestral history as Hungarian-born people, it’s brutal.  Looking at African-American or Jewish ancestral history, it’s unfathomable.  …yet it’s all very real.  Survival is part of key human programming, but learned, even reflexive, survival skills also have significant impacts after they are no longer imminently required.  If I had my way, I would reach out with extreme love to counter the centuries old violence, competition, and damage, but that doesn’t actually work unless the other party is also doing consistent, educated self-work and has the wherewithal and follow-through to commit to good will.  My Daughter once wrote on her extensive social media presence:  “Hurt people hurt people.”  She’s correct.  …but she isn’t picking up the line where it can be picked up…as far back as one can trace. 

What’s my point?  Only this:  Concerted effort to educate one’s self around emotional intelligence should ideally be part of baseline human development, but for now, it isn’t.  I’m willing to say hopeful, eventually it will be.  Understanding we have primal ego, influenced by both our genes and environment, leads to growth.  Blaming our Parents is an excuse to go on not evolving. 

One may notice I don’t write about my Sisters, for example.  There is good reason for that.  They are approaching their lives the best way they know how at any given time, whether examining our collective ancestral past or not, understanding their resulting defaults or not. 

Empathy is what my ancestral line had no benefit of.  Empathy is what humanizes us.  It’s what fuels growth and enduring love.  It’s not performative behaviors; those can trick us.  It’s the simplest of sentiments:  “Here’s looking at you, Kid!”